In the English language, we often treat the words "feelings" and "emotions" as synonymous, and while this might be true in everyday speech, I would suggest that for mindfulness students, there is an important distinction between the two.
We all have feelings. Most species have feelings to a greater or lesser degree. For humans, our feelings form a cornerstone of our identity and how we move through life. Feelings are what bind us to places, events, things, and most importantly, people. To deny our feelings is to ignore a fundamental component of who we are. If we ignore them, they will not go away. Instead, we will relate to them in an unskillful and often painful way -- painful for us and for those with whom we are in relationship. As students of mindfulness, we seek to relate to all phenomena in an intentional way with wisdom and insight.
As humans, we also have emotions, and to deny their existence is to also risk painful consequences to ourselves and others. What separates feelings from emotions is the "storyline". Feelings are a natural and even primal way we relate to the external world. Emotions take feelings and overlay them with a narrative that often has little to do with the current experience of the person or thing in our field of vision.
Let me give an example of this distinction. You receive a gently worded critique from your supervisor at work. Your feelings may include hurt, anger, or fear. Now suppose that at a former job, you had a tyrannical boss who aggressively made your work life a living hell. He would nitpick every single thing you did, rarely give praise, and always find ways to demean and belittle you.
Now return to the present. Your current supervisor's critique suddenly is a multi-headed hydra of every negative feeling that you felt at the former job. Your current supervisor's feedback is suddenly overlaid with the years of negative experiences from your former boss. Her feedback now becomes a new chapter in the narrative started years ago from your former boss. The two people are entirely different. Their motivations, skillfulness, and managerial styles are unique to them, but you suddenly view your current supervisor as a carbon copy of your former boss and relate to her in the same way, whether it is warranted or not. In essence, your emotional story has caused you to misread the current situation and to relate to your current situation as if you were in your former job.
One of the things we have inherited from our evolutionary past is the ability to pattern-match. Our ancestors were not the strongest or the fastest. To avoid becoming some animal's lunch, they learned to associate certain patterns with safety or with danger. Our ancient progenitors might see two cat-like creatures. One is a cute little furry kitten while the other has big fangs and long, sharp claws. They learned, probably from bitter experience, that the former is safe and harmless. The latter, however, represented danger and certain death.
The skill of pattern-matching had evolutionary benefit to our species, which is why it is so deeply ingrained into our beings. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It simply is. As mindfulness students, we seek to relate to things as they are with clarity and skillfulness. To do this, we need to be aware of three things:
We have feelings about a current situation or person. These are things like love, hate, fear, warmth, etc.
We have emotions which are patterns based on similar situations, stimuli, and circumstances.
As humans, our natural reaction to a feeling is to filter it through our experiences, finding patterns to help us quickly understand how to relate to the feelings we have in the present.
Mindfulness meditation provides both clarity and wisdom moment-by-moment. Consider signing up for individual meditation training classes. If you have questions, you can also schedule a free 15-minute consultation session to talk them through.
